Since 2001, I have been hospitalized and required extensive rehabilitation three times. The first was surgery and radiation for neck cancer. In the second case, in 2016, an unknown virus crossed my blood/brain barrier, leaving me paralyzed from the waist down for 2 ½ months. And recently, I received an emergency tracheostomy, caused by the long-term effects of my radiation in 2001.
Facing these medical challenges, I had only one main worry: recovery!
But my spouse, Terry, carried the load for her responsibilities, my responsibilities and everything in between.
The house, the bills, the bank. House maintenance and legal decisions. Being the brave front for family and friends. The daily visits to my bedside. The worry that my disability could prove to be permanent.
As a patient, I submitted to my fate, signed a DNR, worked hard to heal, and waited for an outcome. I experienced very little stress about what would be. It was my way of coping with my illness and recovery.
But my coping mechanism only served to increase the angst of my caregiver; something else to worry about and perhaps plan for. It starts to pile up.
The decisions to be made can be never-ending.
Even with a positive outcome, there is an emotional crash.
When the need to “hold it together” is no longer required. When concern and care can finally turn inward. Emotions long held now flow out.
To me, my new tracheostomy is something to adjust to.
To my caregiver, it’s all the other changes- to me, to us- that those adjustments cause.
Toughest job in the world.
Well said as usual. Glad you’re healing.